Dear Red States,
If you manage to steal this election, too; we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, this includes
To sum up briefly:
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms and a tax-evasive plumber.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from
In the area of culture, you get to enjoy the
Just think of all the cuisine you Red Staters can dig into. While we Blue Staters sink into lobster, great bagels and deep dish pizza; you get to dine at 80% of all the Hooters restaurants.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Northwestern, Cal Tech, University of Michigan and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of tobacco chewers and/or smokers (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
Additionally, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, and 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11.